Nick Goes To The Movies...

In recent times, I've gone to see two very different film, which have two things in common: I didn't enjoy them, and they both had actresses in them that, yes, alright, I kind of have a thing for.

First off, "Night At The Museum 2".

Okay, I was already slightly biased against the film before I went in: I didn't think the first film was all that good, and, quite frankly, Stiller annoys the crap out of me.

But I had some help: accompanying me was my six year old sister, and seven year old brother - surely, the people to whom this film was aimed, right?

Wrong.

In order to truely appreciate NATM2, you needed to be a lot older than they, and if you're old enough to appreciate the humor, then you really won't be enjoying the film, because, let's face it, it's kinda stupid, and you could be seeing, say, "Angels & Demons", which, admittedly, was a steaming turd of a film, but at least it was aimed at us, right? That's my line, and I'm sticking to it.

What did I enjoy about it? Well, Hank Azaria was pretty good as the bad guy, although with the speech impediment I really couldn't take him seriously - maybe this was the point, but it wasn't like, "haha, he talks funny, and that makes his villainy comical", but "hmmm, he'd be more menacing if he wasn't a complete joke".

Bill Hader was a very good General Custer, who delivered, the only good line of the film - "We're Americans - we don't think, we do".

Steve Coogan and Owen Wilson continue the tiny-person-with-big-personality schtick from the first film, which is, as ever, disappointing, because Coogan can be ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS but isn't given the chance, and Wilson is, dare I say, quite a good actor (for a "pretty boy"!) in the right roles, and this really wasn't.

Ricky Gervais. Fuck you, I love him.

The Jonas Brothers win my "Fuck Off, I Hate You And Hope You Die Horribly" award for Most Annoying, And Irrevevant Cameo".

But the one thing which saves this film from me traveling back in time and making sure everyone associated with it, and I mean absolutely everybody, including, but not limited to, the guy who waited uppon Ben Stiller that one time in a restaurant and commented that his kids enjoyed his work, all the way up to Stiller himself, are never born, is Amy Adams.

I kinda have a huge thing for Amy Adams.

I really do.

And in this film she wears an outfit, the lower half of which, ummm...leaves very little to the imagination. As an already hot for her fanboy, I almost passed out from loss of blood

So I didn't really pay that much attention to the film, and just spent the whole time sighing, and giggling awkwardly.

Also, my co-critics thought it was stupid, and, as it's target audience, I trust them on this.


END UNIMPRESSED REVIEW ONE. COMMENCE THE SECOND.


"State of Play".

Look, you can all guess where I'm going with this, but I'm going to get it out of the way now, so those of you who don't want to sit through the rambling rant of a review can...I don't know...go play with your fucking texs or something.

I like Rachel McAdams, she has a cute face, and nice eyes.

And now for the film itself:

I found it thoroughly unconvincing, predictable and cliched. I didn't enjoy either Affleck, or Crowe, and the plot was laughable, and forced. My hat off to Helen Mirren, though, who was actually brilliant, but, then, she always is. And she didn't get enough lines.

This time, I was with two people who had a vested interest (former journalists) who tell me that Crowe managed to get all the little journalistic quirks just right, but, and maybe it was just me, I really didn't believe his performance.

Same applies to Affleck - oh please, spare me.

Anyone looking for unpredictable twists, and exciting action, try "Terminator-" wait, is it four now? First one was good, the other two I've chosed to disregard the existence of.

Anywho, back to SoP - as a mystery, "who-dunnit", conspiracy-theory film, it was terribly predictable - it took me, oh, ten seconds to guess - and the money could've been better spent buying the audience 127 minutes worth of Weed; it may be illegal, but so should being that crap.

ACTUALLY, my disappointment with these two films have lead me, in their way, to something I've been saying for years - we just don't make films like we used to, just as Crowe tries to convince us we don't make journalists like we used to.

Actually, back to that - fuck you, I know I have a vested interest, but online journalism, and blogging, is just as legitimate form of journalism, so, to everyone in the audience who, when Rachel's character was introduced as working for their online division as a blogger, laughed and thought "haha, she really is an inexperienced rookie", I forgive you, because, I know that, under your laughter, really you're scared of the big bad internet because, honestly, you don't understand it, and that frightens you.

I'm going to stop now, because I'm starting to ramble, but, in the not to distant future I'll be talking about how I don't like modern cinema, but not just because it's modern, and why the internet is a serious media tool in blogs of their own - but if you're interested, comment, or email, and we can continue the discussion.

Until next time, then,
Au Revoir