Birth Of A New Era...

Drunken dialing/texting is inappropriate, degrading and humiliating for all involved, right?

WRONG. Drunk dialing/text is hilarious, always the sensible option, and the perfect way to let that girl you have secretly liked for ages but could never bring yourself to actually ask out because it "might ruin your friendship" exactly how you feel about her, in all its (supposedly, at least to you) romantic, yet sometimes incoherent, detail. It also allows you, free from inhibition, to tell your boss how much of a cock he is, and just think of the humor that will stem from your inability to look your female cubicle dwellers in the eyes!

With all this hilarity, it's just too bad that the only people who can share the laughter are the dialer themselves, and the receiver.

BUT, after much research and work, there is finally a solution! A new pseudo-sport (which has a much nicer ring than drinking game) which I have simply called Dritter.

Dritter comes from the words drunk (being in a temporary state in which one's physical and mental faculties are impaired by an excess of alcoholic drink; intoxicated) and twitter (a real-time short messaging service that works over multiple networks and devices, allowing for the instant upload of 120 characters to the internet). As this name would suggest, to drittering is an update of the classic drunken dial that allows for the hilarity to be shared instantaneously by multiple individuals, completely unrestrained, via the internet.

So how does one dritter? What factors are crucial in developing my final score?

Firstly, in order to Dritter one must have a Twitter account. After all, one can hardly drunken dial without a telephone; nor can one Dritter without a Twitter. All one does then to participate is take with them on an evening spent painting the town red a cellular phone, or other device which allows for connection to Twitter. When one reaches the stage where one would normally inform one's friend that, where they so inclined, they would be "totally into you, seriously, I love you man", one instead sends the text to Twitter, whereupon its hilarity may be enjoyed by the manifold public who monitor the same.

Scoring in Dritter is based upon the following criteria: Coherency versus the Number of Drinks Consumed (graph to follow shortly), whether or not it reveals anything particularly Embarrassing or Personal, and the all round Humor of Content. Five points are awarded immediately if the following day they are unable to remember making the Dritter, and two points are deducted for deletion of the Dritter.

The scoring shall be judged by an unbiased third party, hereafter refereed to as the Dritter Marshal, who will also, assumingly, be the designated driver (the mentalities required for both are very similar). They will have the final say. If, however, it is voted by all concerned that the Dritter Marshal has failed to perform their duty satisfactorily, then an appeal may be made to a jury of peers, and only a unanimous decision by this jury can overturn the decision of the Dritter Marshal.

It is also the Dritter Marshal's responsibility to ensure that no lasting harm will befall the contestants as a result of either the alcohol consumed, or the contents of the Dritter. Should he/she feel that this is likely to occur, they are required to cease Drittering, and care for the Dritter-e as required. This decision cannot be repealed.

All that remains then is to say good luck, happy Drittering, and if you have any questions you can find me at the bar...

Ain't No Cure For The Summer Time Blues...

My summer playlist (which will be on constant repeat for my two week break at the beach in Broulee):

1. All Bad Touches (Come To An End) - Norwegian Recycling

2. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

3. Heaven Is A Halfpipe - OPM

4. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

5. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne

6. Ruby - Kaiser Chiefs

7. I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage

8. This Heart Attack - Faker

9. The Nosebleed Section - Hilltop Hoods

10. Spice Up Your Life - Spice Girls

11. We're All In This Together - Ben Lee

12. Taylor - Jack Johnson

13. Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry

14. MmmBop - Hanson

15. We Used To Be Friends - Dandy Warholes

Au Revoir.

Huh...Someone Thinks I'm Funny...

Just a short announcement (real blog coming later) to let you all know that I'm taking part in RAW Comedy this year, and will be performing at The Espy on January 24th. I'll let you know more as it becomes apparent.

HA!

Saw this webcomic today and just laughed and laughed and laughed:

With Apologies To All Concerned...

I returned from Schoolies at Anglesea on Friday, and then went to the 18th of a friend that I haven't seen in far too long that evening. Suffice to say, the combination of a week of sleep deprivation, followed by the immensely exhausting, but entirely enjoyable hype of an 18th, as well as the effects of alcohol lead me to sleep for the next 17 hours.

Tragically, I'm forbidden by the Vegas Convention to discuss in any great length what actually took place in Anglesea, however much fun was had by all. The inclusion of Guitar Hero World Tour and Rockband made the whole even more enjoyable, and I dare say I became rather good on the plastic set of drums which, after very little sleep and much booze, do succeed in making you feel like a Rock-star.

That said, I hope never again to hear Eye Of The Tiger or Tom Sawyer. Unlike my dreams of a free Tibet or an end to world hunger and poverty, perhaps this one can be realized.

I will also say that Vodka, while in small dosages is okay, can lead to tragic, or at least VERY embarrassing consequences. Also, when correctly mixed, is almost tasteless...Although I do recommend that people try it with Waterford's Lemon Lime and Bitters, a combination which I find irresistible.


With Schoolies week behind me, however, a large and ominous vortex appears before me labeled "the rest of my life". Dealing with short term, immediate problems has so far held me in good stead, but once I get past the immediate concerns of Christmas, long term planning is necessary. I need to plan.

First on my list, a job. Tragically, either I am insufficiently qualified (having just left year twelve) or my application is lost among the many thousands of other, almost identical ones submitted online every day, and the anonymity of the web quickly allows for outright dismissal because I used a word the authority objects to, or some other petty reason. The job quest does not look hopeful.

On a somewhat lighter note, I've already written my letter to Santa. Well, I say "letter" - this year I twittered him:

Dear @Santa. This year for Christmas, can you please give me an iPhone?
I promise I've been good. I even installed Net Nanny so that I can't fall prey to naughty sites.
I avoided posting pics of me in various slutty poses on my Facebook.
Heck, I even avoided swearing in emails, even though after all those emails either asking for my credit card details or offering miracle cream to increase the size of Little Nick I really, really felt like it.
Oh, and I only called people Nazis once on forums, and I felt guilty about it for ages.
So please, @Santa. Bpay for an iPhone for me.



Au Revoir.