Birth Of A New Era...

Drunken dialing/texting is inappropriate, degrading and humiliating for all involved, right?

WRONG. Drunk dialing/text is hilarious, always the sensible option, and the perfect way to let that girl you have secretly liked for ages but could never bring yourself to actually ask out because it "might ruin your friendship" exactly how you feel about her, in all its (supposedly, at least to you) romantic, yet sometimes incoherent, detail. It also allows you, free from inhibition, to tell your boss how much of a cock he is, and just think of the humor that will stem from your inability to look your female cubicle dwellers in the eyes!

With all this hilarity, it's just too bad that the only people who can share the laughter are the dialer themselves, and the receiver.

BUT, after much research and work, there is finally a solution! A new pseudo-sport (which has a much nicer ring than drinking game) which I have simply called Dritter.

Dritter comes from the words drunk (being in a temporary state in which one's physical and mental faculties are impaired by an excess of alcoholic drink; intoxicated) and twitter (a real-time short messaging service that works over multiple networks and devices, allowing for the instant upload of 120 characters to the internet). As this name would suggest, to drittering is an update of the classic drunken dial that allows for the hilarity to be shared instantaneously by multiple individuals, completely unrestrained, via the internet.

So how does one dritter? What factors are crucial in developing my final score?

Firstly, in order to Dritter one must have a Twitter account. After all, one can hardly drunken dial without a telephone; nor can one Dritter without a Twitter. All one does then to participate is take with them on an evening spent painting the town red a cellular phone, or other device which allows for connection to Twitter. When one reaches the stage where one would normally inform one's friend that, where they so inclined, they would be "totally into you, seriously, I love you man", one instead sends the text to Twitter, whereupon its hilarity may be enjoyed by the manifold public who monitor the same.

Scoring in Dritter is based upon the following criteria: Coherency versus the Number of Drinks Consumed (graph to follow shortly), whether or not it reveals anything particularly Embarrassing or Personal, and the all round Humor of Content. Five points are awarded immediately if the following day they are unable to remember making the Dritter, and two points are deducted for deletion of the Dritter.

The scoring shall be judged by an unbiased third party, hereafter refereed to as the Dritter Marshal, who will also, assumingly, be the designated driver (the mentalities required for both are very similar). They will have the final say. If, however, it is voted by all concerned that the Dritter Marshal has failed to perform their duty satisfactorily, then an appeal may be made to a jury of peers, and only a unanimous decision by this jury can overturn the decision of the Dritter Marshal.

It is also the Dritter Marshal's responsibility to ensure that no lasting harm will befall the contestants as a result of either the alcohol consumed, or the contents of the Dritter. Should he/she feel that this is likely to occur, they are required to cease Drittering, and care for the Dritter-e as required. This decision cannot be repealed.

All that remains then is to say good luck, happy Drittering, and if you have any questions you can find me at the bar...