Moving...

So yeah, I've moved to http://www.npljones.wordpress.com. See you over there!

In Which Nick Makes A Mistake, And Learns The Real Meaning Of Tight-Arse Tuesday...

Forgive me, Cinema, for I have sinned.

It had all the elements neccessary - the weather is crap, I have a day off and nothing to do, it's Tight-Arse Tuesday so I get a generous discount - why then must you curse me with this TRAVESTY against CINEMATOGRAPHY?

I'll start again: today, I went and saw "G.I. Joe".

I had been warned - David, of "At The Movies" gave it a fairly damning review, but, fool that I was, I thought to myself "It can't be *that* bad. He's always critical. That's his job."

I'd recieved better suggestions - I asked Twitter what I should see, and I recieved glorious praise of "Coraline". And I thought to myself "Nah, I can convince Mum to see that with me. Better pick something only *I* will want to see."

I am clearly an idiot.

I don't want to talk about what happened in the film, I'll address that, possibly, when I calm down, but I give unto you all one piece of advise: you can ignore me on everything else, but I will die happy if you DO NOT SEE THIS FILM.

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way Here Today...

Well, not really, quite the opposite, but my other working-title - "Git-Boy In Bike Bust-Up" - doesn't really have the same...je ne se qua. Let us leave it there, and engage then in the tail at hand, which does have a slightly humorous end:

As some of you know (or, we shall pretend you do!), I've taken to riding my bicycle to and from Uni - it's only about 40 minutes, there and back, it's good for me, and it allows me to spend money in ways more productive than allowing it to be sucked into the spiralling vortex of doom we affectionately and optimistically call our public transport network.

My bicycle I've had since I was about 15 - along the way it's had a few repairs, needed a new seat, had a couple of lights stuck on, but it is, essentially, the bike I have had for three years, and keep in the garage, out of the rain.

This morning, on my way to Uni, and speeding through a busy intersection, I happened to misjudge my turn, and found myself flying uncontollably towards a sign by the side of the road. Cooly, I pulled on the brakes and...well, they did sweet bugger all.

At speed, then, flinging my hands out in front of my face - it would be a shame were my good-looks lost to the world - I painfully collided with the sign, filling the air with language that would make a sailor blush, and educating the small children disembarking the crowded train on the other side of the road, and severely injuring my left hand, covering my right in scratches, and damaging both my legs.

Lying face-down on the pavement, bleeding profusely, I was approached by an middle-aged gentlemen, who asked, completely straight-faced, "Are you alright?"

AM I ALRIGHT? AM I ALRIGHT?! I'VE JUST COLLIDED WITH A ROAD-SIGN, AM BLEEDING QUITE HEAVILY ALL OVER MY BODY, AND CAN'T FEEL MY RIGHT LEG, AND YOU'RE ASKING IF I'M ALRIGHT? OF COURSE I AM! I'M FANTASTIC! HOW ABOUT YOU?

I love people some times.



Au Revoir,
Nick

My Mother And Other Monsters...

*peers around cautiously* Man, I haven't been here in a while *blows away dust* Here, that bett- OH GOD THE SPIDERS!!!

Haha, no.

I just needed a little time off - I was notoriously uninspired, and suffering a cliched bout of teenage angst (for which you will excuse me - it is rather expected of one, and I am nothing if not curtious in obliging). I'm okay, and I'm going to launch myself back into blogging more regularly - I find writing theraputic, and besides, I may as well do something with all my free time!

It's intriguing to me now that I had such difficulty writing - everything that surrounds me seems suddenly so unique, and inspiring that I am amazed I didn't notice it before. Seguing back to our title, in fact, the source of today's blog is my mother.

My mother is a thoroughly remarkable woman, and undoubtably one of the strangest, quirkiest, and hilarious person I know.

My favorite anecdote about her involves a trip to the Comedy Festival some years ago (I believe we were seeing Adam Hills). Waiting outside the venue, tossled back-and-forth by other members of the public, eager to get inside, my younger brother asked, innocently, "Mum, is this stand up comedy?". Completely dead-pan, and vaguely, as if she hadn't really heard, she responded "No dear, we get seats".

It was brilliant. The timing, and the delivery were just exceptional, and I've been trying to emulate them to this day.

So, class, today's lesson is that inspiration can be found everywhere, and that I'm back, baby!

Au Revior,
Nick

Nick Goes To The Movies...

In recent times, I've gone to see two very different film, which have two things in common: I didn't enjoy them, and they both had actresses in them that, yes, alright, I kind of have a thing for.

First off, "Night At The Museum 2".

Okay, I was already slightly biased against the film before I went in: I didn't think the first film was all that good, and, quite frankly, Stiller annoys the crap out of me.

But I had some help: accompanying me was my six year old sister, and seven year old brother - surely, the people to whom this film was aimed, right?

Wrong.

In order to truely appreciate NATM2, you needed to be a lot older than they, and if you're old enough to appreciate the humor, then you really won't be enjoying the film, because, let's face it, it's kinda stupid, and you could be seeing, say, "Angels & Demons", which, admittedly, was a steaming turd of a film, but at least it was aimed at us, right? That's my line, and I'm sticking to it.

What did I enjoy about it? Well, Hank Azaria was pretty good as the bad guy, although with the speech impediment I really couldn't take him seriously - maybe this was the point, but it wasn't like, "haha, he talks funny, and that makes his villainy comical", but "hmmm, he'd be more menacing if he wasn't a complete joke".

Bill Hader was a very good General Custer, who delivered, the only good line of the film - "We're Americans - we don't think, we do".

Steve Coogan and Owen Wilson continue the tiny-person-with-big-personality schtick from the first film, which is, as ever, disappointing, because Coogan can be ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS but isn't given the chance, and Wilson is, dare I say, quite a good actor (for a "pretty boy"!) in the right roles, and this really wasn't.

Ricky Gervais. Fuck you, I love him.

The Jonas Brothers win my "Fuck Off, I Hate You And Hope You Die Horribly" award for Most Annoying, And Irrevevant Cameo".

But the one thing which saves this film from me traveling back in time and making sure everyone associated with it, and I mean absolutely everybody, including, but not limited to, the guy who waited uppon Ben Stiller that one time in a restaurant and commented that his kids enjoyed his work, all the way up to Stiller himself, are never born, is Amy Adams.

I kinda have a huge thing for Amy Adams.

I really do.

And in this film she wears an outfit, the lower half of which, ummm...leaves very little to the imagination. As an already hot for her fanboy, I almost passed out from loss of blood

So I didn't really pay that much attention to the film, and just spent the whole time sighing, and giggling awkwardly.

Also, my co-critics thought it was stupid, and, as it's target audience, I trust them on this.


END UNIMPRESSED REVIEW ONE. COMMENCE THE SECOND.


"State of Play".

Look, you can all guess where I'm going with this, but I'm going to get it out of the way now, so those of you who don't want to sit through the rambling rant of a review can...I don't know...go play with your fucking texs or something.

I like Rachel McAdams, she has a cute face, and nice eyes.

And now for the film itself:

I found it thoroughly unconvincing, predictable and cliched. I didn't enjoy either Affleck, or Crowe, and the plot was laughable, and forced. My hat off to Helen Mirren, though, who was actually brilliant, but, then, she always is. And she didn't get enough lines.

This time, I was with two people who had a vested interest (former journalists) who tell me that Crowe managed to get all the little journalistic quirks just right, but, and maybe it was just me, I really didn't believe his performance.

Same applies to Affleck - oh please, spare me.

Anyone looking for unpredictable twists, and exciting action, try "Terminator-" wait, is it four now? First one was good, the other two I've chosed to disregard the existence of.

Anywho, back to SoP - as a mystery, "who-dunnit", conspiracy-theory film, it was terribly predictable - it took me, oh, ten seconds to guess - and the money could've been better spent buying the audience 127 minutes worth of Weed; it may be illegal, but so should being that crap.

ACTUALLY, my disappointment with these two films have lead me, in their way, to something I've been saying for years - we just don't make films like we used to, just as Crowe tries to convince us we don't make journalists like we used to.

Actually, back to that - fuck you, I know I have a vested interest, but online journalism, and blogging, is just as legitimate form of journalism, so, to everyone in the audience who, when Rachel's character was introduced as working for their online division as a blogger, laughed and thought "haha, she really is an inexperienced rookie", I forgive you, because, I know that, under your laughter, really you're scared of the big bad internet because, honestly, you don't understand it, and that frightens you.

I'm going to stop now, because I'm starting to ramble, but, in the not to distant future I'll be talking about how I don't like modern cinema, but not just because it's modern, and why the internet is a serious media tool in blogs of their own - but if you're interested, comment, or email, and we can continue the discussion.

Until next time, then,
Au Revoir

Well, Quite...

Aww...

I promised you a month of blogging, but I wussed out half-way.

What's that? Real life took a priority?

You better believe it.

In the last month, I have gone through so much SHIT you would not believe. Most of it, only a select few of you will learn, but, for everyone, I wish to stress that it has been a VERY STRESSFUL month.

A starts with an angry, anti-everyone rant? It better be pretty awesome, otherwise I will totally NEVER READ IT AGAIN out of latenet agression, and latent homosexuality. Hey. You're pretty cute. Whatcha doin' tonight?

hathatwaslamelet'snotfocusonitandmoveon...

Ah, firstly, a quiz I stole from Orla, aka Glitterandmoredoom, aka this girl:

How do you dot your i's?With dots.

You were expecting love-hearts, but I'm just not that person.

Do you get the trick in the song If You Seek Amy by Britney Spears?
Yes.

For the record - parents who let their children listen to Britney Spears are deplorable, and should be shot.

Who was the last person you sat with at a resturaunt?
My AWESOME girlfriend, her parent, and her grandmother.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching "Letterman".

What happened at 10:00 AM?
Heading off to the city to see my girlfriend! YAY!

Last time you saw your blood dad?
About 11 hours ago...

Say your last ex runs up to you and hugs you, what do you do?
Give her a hug, and ask how she's been.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Possibly my mother...

Have you ever taken someone back after they hurt you?
No, and I don't think I would...

Are you happy with your life at the moment?
Ah...yes.

Are you jealous of your siblings?
Of that little bugger? Never!

Have you kissed anyone this past week?
Yes, and I love her!

Who was the first person you talked to today?
My mother.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Um...yes...

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
Probably.

Do you crack your knuckles?
Sometimes...

How much money did you spend today?
13.70.

What will you be doing tomorrow?
Seeing my girlfriend!

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
No. Anytime I spend with my girlfriend is incredible.

What is the first thing you did this morning?
Woke up...several times...

Do you miss someone?
Yes.

Do you sometimes watch the news?
Yes, often. But it depresses me...

Are you currently feeling the need to tell someone something?
Every moment...

What color was the last pill you took?
White. I think it was a Panadol. Or was it? =P

Do you like hugs?
I fraking LOVE hugs!

Are you a loud person?
HELL YES! THIS IS MY LOUD VOICE!

Are you cold, warm or just right at the moment?
Just right ^-^

Are you mad/frustrated at anyone right now?
Nope, pretty content, actually.

Hmmm...

Content is rare...

Why did you last cry?
Frustration.

Do you get distracted easily?
...

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I hope not.

If you can't sleep at night, what thought is keeping you awake?
My thinking.

Is there something you wanna let go of?
Yes, but what it is, I won't say...

Your current relationship status?
Taken, because I'm totally in love, and she loves me back...

How many cats do you have?
One. Potentially. It's Schroedinger's...

That was a nerd joke.

If you got it, PLEASE comment.

Are you thinking of someone right now?
Always.

Are you currently frustrated with a boy or girl?
No.

Do long distance relationships work?
According to HIMYM, it's a lie teenager's tell each other to get laid, but I'd like to think it could work...

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
I don't know...

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold.



Actuallly, that seems enough for now, although I will slide in some cross promotion for my psuedo blog, www.questforglobaldomination.wordpress.com. Did you see it? It was subtle.

I wish "Sarcastica" was a font"...

Au Revoir,
Nick.

#15 - And it's on time! *gasp*

The reason it's on time is because it's done at the back of my class on Friday, using the MUCH BETTER INTERNET.

Today I didn't wake up until 12, then I rode a bike to uni and was given a free pitcher of beer which, having consumed, I then proceeded to class.

I've managed to get away with slight inebriation for nearly two hours, and I think I can keep up the facade for the hour until this class ends.

So far in this lesson I have:
- isolated myself from females by calling "beauty products" "vanity products", and asking if anyone is really that vain.
- Twittered
- Youtubed
- watched BlogTv
- updated this blog
- eaten much chocolate and marshmallows
- avoided work
- admitted that I want to sell out to the "Dark Side"

Afterwards, I'm going to pedal home, get a nice glass of something expensive, and some foreign cheese, and curl up, protected from the cold and rain, to watch "Serenity". Yes, I finally found a copy of that film, and it was free.

I may also later watch "Castle". You may notice both of these have a common theme: Nathan Fillion. I am, quite probably, gay for him.

There we go - didn't expect me to admit I was gay for someone, did you?

#14 - The Real Deal...

Ah. So as you may have guessed from my earlier comments, I'm quite unimpressed with the internet in our household. Which is why I didn't get to blog yesterday, much to my regret.

I had a weird dream last night - it was actually more like and advertisement. And I'll share it with you now:

All of the world's leaders are gathered in the Whitehouse for some reason - I'm not quite sure what, exactly, but it was clearly some sort of world peace conference, or that sort of thing.

Anyway, it's clearly going badly, but such is the nature of anything that involved Kim Jong Ill - he isn't dead, by the way.

Obama is holding his head in his hands, looking worried. Suddenly, a muscular security agent burst in through the door, and declares "We've got it, Mr. President!" He runs over to the desk, and holds out his hand. There's a pause. Then he dramatically opens it, revealing...

A container of Doritos Salsa.

Suddenly cages with dancing girls drop from the ceiling, and all the leaders start dancing. Obama turns to face me and says "It just ain't a party without Doritos and Salsa!"

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HEAD? I CAN HANDLE NORMAL CRAZY, BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???

#13 in the late afternoon of the 14th...

I hate my internet.

Seriously.

I am very, VERY angry with it right now.

I have sent it to its room, with no super.

Hopoefully, it will think about what it has done, and this will not have to happen again.

Real blog later.

#12, Although It's On The 13th...

Okay, so I missed my deadline by half an hour. BIG. WOOP.

I'd like to blame my lateness on something justifiable, something that'll make you say, "That's okay, Nick - please take all the time you need."

As it is, I was watching a very enjoyable Tom Hanks on "Letterman". I'm not sure if that's justifiable, but it certainly was fun.

How was today?

Today was a mixture of the crushing low that usually comes with my continued existence in the meaningless scenario, and the high of my two hour radio slot.

I played a fairly good mixture of tunes, and also got in my first ever request. I figured out a system for doing requests, so I felt pretty good about that.

I also felt pretty good because I managed to get in a couple of glasses of very, VERY nice and EXPENSIVE bubbly.

Chin-chin,
Nick

#11 - I Think I've Figured It Out...

I think I've figured out the reason I've been so depressed recently:

My life, currently, has very few high points.

Let us take a normal day: I get up, I eat, I do work, I watch TV, I sleep. On some days, I'll have my course, but only three days a week. The other days will be doing "work" (and yes, I'm entitled to use the sarcastic quotation marks) for the course.

I usually do the work quite slowly - not, and I want to make this clear, NOT because it is in any way challenging, but because I really can't be fucked. It's insultingly easy.

I'm stuck in a rut, I'm going nowhere.

My week perks up on Saturdays, and for two hours every Tuesday (when I sit behind a microphone, saying whatever the fuck I want to say, and playing some kick-arse rock), but other than that, it's just the same tiresome, troublesome shit day in, day out.

I write this from one of my classes. Cath is a lovely person, and I could learn a lot from her, but I feel held back because I have a very select interest/though process which other do not share.

*sigh*

IN OTHER NEWS: I will soon be starting another blog - really just a collection of pieces of writing - called "Who Moved My Valium", a title which I stole from a fellow Twitterer. It's just another one of my attempts to releave the tedium. Hopefully it will be good, certainly it will be interesting...

#10 - Meh...

I'd like to paraphrase parts of the Jonathan Coulton song "Big Bad World One" which perfectly sum up my feelings right now:

I quit.
I'm done.
I don't think it's gonna turn out okay.
It's no fair.
It's no fun.
Everytime it's gonna end the same way:
Me zero, big bad world one.

I feel so apa-bloody-thetic, and very depressed right now.

I need to write.

I need to sleep.

I need to drink to excess.

#9 - ...And I Feel Fine!

Saw my girlfriend today.

And all is right in the world!

#8 - Day Off...

Sometimes you need to take some time out to do things you enjoy.

Today was one of those times.

But, to be completely and utterly honest with you, it just wasn't enough.

I'm tired, I just wanna see my girlfriend, watch some TV, and sleep. It's been an exhausting week, even though I haven't had much work.

Oh well.

#7 - Irony...

What I have done today:

Achieve a mark of 100% on a Responsible Server of Alcohol Certificate.

What I have subsequently done:

Got drunk.

IRONY OVERLOAD!

#6 - Childish...

Sometimes, in moments of intense boredom, I'll try to break the silence by regressing to my childhood.

I have a little hand puppet that I'll talk to, and, thanks to the magic of ventriloquism, will talk back.

When I'm emotionally drained, I have a huge, pink piggy that I'll hug.

Other times, I'll just watch cartoons until I'm feeling better.

#5 - Made Of Awesome (Musically!)...

So today was my first ever show for 3SSR.

IT WAS A RESOUNDING SUCCESS!

I mean, oh my God, I had so much fun, I played some really good track, and I got some really positive feedback, both from those listening at home (or who follow me on Twitter) and those on campus who stopped by to give me a thumbs up. Big fun!

I need to work on my segueing a bit more - I was nervous, and I think it showed - but I managed to get a couple of good little liners in there, and some quick, cheeky gags, so I'm definitely off to a good start.

For those wondering what I'm babbling on about:

I host a show called "The Seeker" on 3SSR, every Tuesday from 12-2pm, go to www.3ssr.org and click "Tune in Live" link. I'm after the Uni's feminists - lovely girls - so it's usually a very relaxing/combative blasting of ROCK.

#4 - The Madness Continues...

So I was watching television-

Oh there's a real fucking surprise!

Who are you?

I'm you. Well, sort of. Not really. But kind of.

You're me?

Pretty much.

Right. Anyway - I was watching television-

*ahem*

What?

Oh nothing.

No, no - you wanted to say something?

I was just going to point out that you watch, for someone who is in need of a job, and allegedly is studying, an incredible amount of television. Perhaps you could, you know, do something productive?

At quater to twelve at night?

Yeah, fair point. Alright. Are you going to tell them about the radio thing?

Oh yeah.

As I- Sorry, I'm still a little confused...

Yes it was you.

-Right. As I reminded myself (there has to be a word for that) I managed to score myself a two hour show on Swinburne's Student Radio from 12-2pm every Tuesday, doing whatever I want, and playing all my music. Which is sweet.

You can listen to me by going here and following the links.

Have I forgot anything?

No, that's it for now.

#3 - My Day...

Today was a Sunday.

On Sunday, some people pray. Some, like my girlfriend, have OVERWHELMING AMOUNTS OF WORK, I MEAN, THANK GOD I'M OUT OF ALL THAT- ahem. Sorry, I got a little carried away there.

Some people achieve things.

I lay on my bed and watched cartoons on the 'net.

Later, I'll grab some cornchips, soft-drinks, and watch a movie. I'll do something meaningful tomorrow.

#2 - Something Important To Me...

Ah-ha! You though I wasn't going to make it, BUT I DID! I should warn you though, since I need my beauty sleep, this is going to be spectacularly brief. I'll make it up to you sometime, okay? Sheesh.

I just spent an awesome day with my absolutely fantastic girlfriend, Bethany.

For once, a rare occurance - I had money! It feels good to have the freedom that money offers. I can see myself getting use to it. Now to work on getting some more money...